I don't know for most girls, but personally, it took me a long time to really accept my hair and start giving it just what it needs. I first relaxed my hair in high school; I was probably 14. Growing up, my mom used to braid my hair. I must admit that it was really simple to start my day and go to school, back then, since I didn't have to worry about my looks: I was in a catholic high school, so we all wore uniforms; and not having to do hair or make-up was a bliss.
But then, I became a teenager. Hormones, associated with the sudden urge to be noticed at school or on the street took over my naturally humble self and my image was everything but that of a sexy kitten!
At the time, the only sort of role models I could see on tv that kinda looked like me were girls like Aliyah, Sade (much older than me!!!), or Monica. Yes, they were all pop singers. Otherwise, the girls I truly reeeeeeaaaaallly loved were Karen Mulder, Christy Turlington, Laetitia Casta - yes, all white and all super-duper models! What can I say: I was a teenager in the 90s, at the prime of supermodels. Sorry!
As far as I was concerned, my only inspiration for beauty were girls who pretty much were at the opposite spectrum of color palette as me. Being blond was, of course, out of a question with the parents I had who believed that a girl wearing a mini skirt would not be allowed in Heaven. But, I had the latitude to experiment with other aspects of my hair - hence, the straightening!
At first, i think I looked ok. But, since I did it myself, and that the only thing I wanted was just straight-chinese hair, I relaxed on new growth and on lengths, over and over again. Sometimes, I wouldn't even wait the advised 6-8 weeks. No, in my mind, my hair had to be straight all the time, right after shampooing. You can only image what it was after a few years of that massacre. I was lucky enough that my hair kept on growing, it got long down bra length, but it was atrociously thin!
At the end of high school, I moved to the US and had my first haircut - about shoulder length size. But I kept on the bad habits. Worst: I was in a country where everything is available and easily within reach. So I started flat ironing like crazy, once, sometimes twice a day. It only took a heartbreak for me to go G.I. Jane and start fresh with new hair.
It was the best time of my life: I didn't have to worry about getting in the shower, washing my body and my hair (sometimes, just using the same shower gel - i know :-(( - it lasted about a year until it got boring, and my hair was a mess. I really just didn't know that kind of hair, and dealing with curls was like meeting up with a new baby. I loved it but I was kinda scared of it at the same time.
Thank God, living in Washington, DC, there were plenty of girls looking like me, girls I could copy or get inspired from. There were the (light skinned or mixed) curly haired African American, there were the numerous Ethiopian and Eritrean girls, the Latinas.... that's when I got in to the whole JLO mode and yes, I died my hair blond for the first time - that goddam "ON THE 6" Jenny from the block album really got into me and I just had to dye my hair Jlo-honey blond! If Jlo did, then I could too. And I did just that!
To be continued!
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