I was raised a catholic, with grand-parents on my mother's side being Greek Orthodox, my father and his family protestant.... and me, sort of lost in the midst of all the dogma that everyone cared to spoon feed me whenever they found an attentive ear - me. I was a lonely child, quiet and often lost in my own world, with my books and my Barbie sets (TV anchor Barbie and Barbie at the beach were my two favs!).
The new found freedom of my college years gave me the opportunity to take a break from all of it, only to rekindle with faith at the announce of my great-grand mother's death. My great granny, Iya, was the love of my life. She was my everything. I loved my mother and father and step-father, but I adored my great grand parents, especially Iya, who had spoiled me and who, for me, was a spiritual guide and my grounding.
Leaving for the US at 18y.old, I had grown apart from her because I felt the need to discover who I was, trying out life as a adult, partying, and being away from my home country. I was in love to die for a man, and our complicated relationship took all of my attention, day and night. I had only eyes for him. Nothing else mattered but our relationship. He was my first love, and I assumed he was the Man of my life and we would spend the rest of our lives together. I had neglected Iya because I never thought of a day when she would no longer be here with us. Oh boy, was I shocked when that day came! Her death broke me. I can only describe myself like millions of pieces of me, spread around a room, and not finding a way to get back into one whole. I could not focus; I was not alive anymore. The pain was even stronger as I knew how my mother and the rest of my family would be left in despair without her in their lives. I hated to imagine my mother crying.
I wanted Iya to appear to me, in person, to explain to me that she had gone but that her spirit would still be amongst us. I wanted her to hold me.... I spent entire nights crying and regretting my behavior in her last days. I hated myself for nothing having been around her as much as I could have because of my teenage stupidity. My adult status actually made me grow apart for those I loved the most and my life, then, felt like a mess. I was lost.
I started looking into spirituality. I intentionally do not use the word "religion" because I do not feel like I am attached to any creed or particular faith. Yet, I am strongly convinced that there is a higher being, higher things besides our (sometimes) superficial life and needs. Life cannot just be about getting dressed, go to work, eat, have sex and repeat the same thing the following day, then the next, until death, and then nothing. There has to be more; there has to be a reason for us being here.
So I wanted to find the true meaning of life and of my life. I also wanted to be sure that Iya was somewhere, and happier than her. Maybe was I just fantasizing because the prospect of a life without her seemed to have to fathom. Hence, I started flirting with spiritual philosophies. I tried at buddhism, several kinds; I also did the Ramadan - my step-father is muslim so it wasn't too much of a stretch for me. I recited mantras, did yoga in the park, meditated at the prayer room of the UN; I became a Deepak Chopra aficionado.
I was still pretty insecure about myself until a dear friend of mine, Bator Linda Lo, heard about this new book, "The Secret".
Everyone was talking about it. Apparently, this book would change the face of the world, with its revolutionary take on abundance and prosperity. I took it a little deeper. I felt the "Secret" and the Law of Attraction in general, were great but I felt I personally needed to include a more spiritual component to my experience. That's when I started looking into angels, into different forms of meditation, into reiki, into working with divine energy.
It's taken me a few years to finally feel like I am true to myself. Life and the future has never felt brighter and I now know that I can achieve everything that I set my mind to, and all of that, so long as my actions are driven by pure love and a sense of humanity.
So, in my personal quest for truth and love and internal peace, I found the love of my life and we now have two wonderful girls. Life has not stopped surprising me and I feel all that surrounds me is bountiful and limitless abundance. Last week, as I was searching for new ways to spice up my diet and my fitness routine, I decided to go back to eastern practices, especially ayurveda. I am now putting together a regimen including adapting my diet, my workout and my beauty habits around my dosha.
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| Three doshas of Ayurveda |
For those of you not acquainted with ayurveda, a dosha is my character (body and mind) type. There are three (3) doshas: Pitta, Vata and Kapha. I am a vata, with some pitta traits. The interesting thing for me to do is to adapt ingredients and my routine to what's available around me. I was actually pleased to realize that I already do incorporate a lot of ayurvedic stuff in my life so, I just need to tweek some aspects a bit to be truthful about the practice and see if my life truly improves. I'm actually working on new videos on ayurvedic diet, ingredients, beauty routine, etc.
I can't wait to share them via this blog and my youtube channel.
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